My Secret Weapon Against Toxic People

This weapon is incredibly potent, and the main reason it works: it helps you restore what the toxic people try to take away.

This weapon will give you strength even when the toxic person is trying to break you in every way possible.

This weapon is an absolute necessity for anyone who has to navigate toxic people.

Now this is a tool that most folks, even those outside of toxic relationships could benefit from BUT it is NOT NEGOTIABLE for those of us navigating toxic relationships. Why, you ask?

When you are in a relationship with a toxic person,

you are on the receiving end of an experience that is fundamentally designed to convince you that you are unloveable.

Toxic people grow their power by convincing you that you are weak and you need this toxic person in order to be even vaguely acceptable.

Spoiler: all of that nonsense they tried to teach you was and is total crap. You are worthy of love and happiness and all the good things you've only dreamed of. The toxic person was or is...

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What can you do to determine if you are the toxic one once and for all: Theory

To close out our exploration of the question "Am I the toxic one?" we will tackle exactly what you can do to determine once and for all if you are the toxic one. 

In this post, we will cover some of the theoretical answers to this question. In the next post, we will make that theory a bit more concrete and explore the story of Shannon. Finally, Season 1 will close out with two different action items you can do to start your own journey with answering this question once and for all. 

To begin, we need to revisit what it takes to be a toxic person. Back in the first week of this season, we explored the differences between sometimes engaging in toxic behavior and being a toxic person. In this week's topic, we are going to focus on your status a s a toxic people. 

I use the term "toxic people" to refer to folks with personality disorders. So we can reframe the question "Am I the toxic one?" as the question "Do I have a personality disorder?" The way folks are determined...

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What does It mean if you are seriously considering if you are the toxic one? - Theory

Today's exploration of this question requires pulling on some of the BIG IDEAS from the last two weeks of this season. 

For your ease and comfort, I will briefly recap on the pieces we need to accomplish today's task. If you need a refresh on any of this stuff, I've gone ahead and include links back to those earlier posts, so feel free to click around if you find yourself feeling a bit confused. 

First off, we need to touch base with who the heck are these "toxic people." When I use the term "toxic people" as a blanket term for folks who have cluster b personality disorders. These include folks with Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder. 

Some of the key features of toxic people include 

  • very insecure
  • cannot tolerate crticism
  • dedicate much of their efforts to avoiding criticism by trying to control others
  • focus on creating a narrative where they are the perfect ones and everything that is bad is because of others

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Why We Wonder If We Are Toxic: Theory

Welcome to Week 2 of Season 1. Our topic this month is "Am I the toxic one?" and today is our first of three posts on why we might be wondering if we are the toxic ones. In this post, we are going to cover the theoretical answer to this question. In our next post we will look at a concrete example to help make the theory stuff make a bit more sense. Finally, our last post will cover some action items you can do in order to start unpacking this question for yourself. 

To begin, we need to get in touch a bit with some of the major goals of toxic people. Toxic folks are generally very insecure. Exactly what they are insecure about varies, but in general they are not authentically confident folks. As a result, a major goal of these folks is to soothe their own insecurities. 

How do they accomplish this? Well they typically have a bunch of tools in their toolbox. Some of the most important methods include exercising control over others, asserting themselves as more important...

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Toxic People VS Toxic Behavior: Theory

Welcome to the first week of Season 1 "Am I the Toxic One?" 

In this post, we are going to focus on the theory behind our first subtopic "Toxic People versus Toxic Behavior"

To start, it's important to note how I use the word "toxic." In everyday life, we use the term toxic to describe a wide range of problematic behavior. When I talk about "toxic people" I am being more specific. I use that phrase as a blanket term for folks who fall into the Cluster B personality disorders group. These folks have serious mental health problems and should be under the care of a team of licensed mental health professionals. A few examples of Cluster B disorders are Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder. 

With that on the table, we can now unpack our main question "Am I the toxic one?" If you are thinking about this question and your concern is that you are a toxic person, then you are wondering if you suffer from one of the Cluster B personality...

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