My Secret Weapon Against Toxic People

This weapon is incredibly potent, and the main reason it works: it helps you restore what the toxic people try to take away.

This weapon will give you strength even when the toxic person is trying to break you in every way possible.

This weapon is an absolute necessity for anyone who has to navigate toxic people.

Now this is a tool that most folks, even those outside of toxic relationships could benefit from BUT it is NOT NEGOTIABLE for those of us navigating toxic relationships. Why, you ask?

When you are in a relationship with a toxic person,

you are on the receiving end of an experience that is fundamentally designed to convince you that you are unloveable.

Toxic people grow their power by convincing you that you are weak and you need this toxic person in order to be even vaguely acceptable.

Spoiler: all of that nonsense they tried to teach you was and is total crap. You are worthy of love and happiness and all the good things you've only dreamed of. The toxic person was or is seeking to control you, but you don't have to stand idly by.

So what's this big tool that's gonna help with all of this?

A focused self-care practice.

Yes, that is my *secret* weapon.

Now before you rage quit my page, I want you to understand that this self-care practice isn't like the bubble baths and face masks that social media glorifies.

This is an intentional and regularly engaged ritual that is done INTENTIONALLY.

This is a practice that you purposefully tailor to teaching yourself that YOU ARE LOVED, YOU DESERVE LOVE, AND YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE RIGHT NOW.

Toxic people want you to believe that you are unworthy of even the most basic forms of love. The kind of self-care practice is one you engage in to directly combat that BS.

While I can tell you all day long that you are worthy of love, you are not so likely to feel that way while navigating a toxic relationship. This regular intentional practice can help you begin to FEEL like you are loved.

This means that the next time the toxic person does their typical manipulative harmful behavior, you will know both on an intellectual and emotional level that you are worthy of better treatment.

So what do you need to do in for this practice? Well, that depends a lot on you.

The fundamental thing that a good self-care practice is built on is on making yourself feel loved. We all have different love languages and preferences, so you need to reflect a bit on what activities make you feel most loved.

If you feel totally overwhelmed thinking about what actions you might do for yourself to help yourself feel loved, don't worry. You don't have to get this right the first time.

Pick any activity that sounds appealing to you. Maybe that is taking 10 minutes to doodle the way you used to back in high school. Maybe that is taking 15 minutes and listening to your favorite band on YouTube. Engage in that activity WITH INTENTION, and see how you feel afterward.

The most important thing when developing a good self-care practice is to keep trying.

• Don't let yourself put it off.
• Don't let yourself move it to the bottom of your to-do list.
• Don't let yourself give up because the first thing you tried didn't work.

You need to show up and keep trying in order to get the protection this practice offers. If you are struggling to develop a practice that really works for you, I can help. I work one-on-one with folks navigating toxic relationships. I can help you identify ways you can really reap the benefits of an intentional self-care practice.

Toxic people work incredibly hard to get us, to internalize the belief that we aren't good enough without them. This is critical to toxic people's ability to control us. When we practice self-care, we are fighting against those internalized beliefs. We are showing ourselves that the toxic person was wrong. We are proving to ourselves that we derve something better. And that is an excellent form of protection.