It is 100% natural to want closure after enduring any kind of narcissistic relationship. There are so many dramatic ups and downs in these kinds of spaces, it really does make sense to want some sense that this really is the end and life is moving on.
Unfortunately, narcissists generally are unwilling to entertain any such activity. Narcissists cannot tolerate closure because it means facing that they no longer have control over you. Narcissists are always looking to find their new supply and closure, by definition, means that they can no longer get that supply from you.
Because Narcissists refuse to believe that someone they once exerted so much control over has actually stepped outside of their control, they will never accept any process of closure.
So, what does that mean for us survivors?
We long for closure, but all the traditional ways to seek that closure - like having a heart-to-heart conversation- just aren’t going to cut it in our situation. Are we screwed?
No, you can still get closure. But it is going to look a bit different.
Here are three things you can do to get the closure that you deserve without breaching any of your boundaries with the toxic person.
We spend time imagining what would happen if they would just chat with us
We imagine all the good that could come from just one last conversation
But we need to be tied to reality.
We need to face the fact that any more conversations would not result in any of the goods that we are hoping for.
Often navigating a toxic person is more similar to navigating the death of a loved one than it is navigating ordinary relationships. Imagine how you might find some of the closure you are looking for if the toxic person was no longer walking on this earth.
This search for closure can often make us doubt and potentially violate our boundaries with the toxic person. That is not good for us or anybody involved.
The way to solve this is by truly making peace with those boundaries
When you have done this, you will no longer be haunted by the need for closure. You will have created the closure that you are desiring.
I CAN HELP YOU DO THIS
I have built a six-week coaching program designed to help you be more confident and make peace with your boundaries. In this program, I will give you an easy to use five step process to help you integrate your boundaries into your core values. Once you have embraced just how necessary your boundaries are to living the life that you deserve, we will explore how you can navigate any doubt that creeps into your mind and how to resolve it. Because everyone’s journey through boundary setting is different, my course includes six one-on-one sessions with me, Dr. Louise! You can sign up to get all the latest information on the course at the link in the description below!
I love helping folks discover the power of making peace with their boundaries. It is an often-overlooked step in the boundaries process, and I know from my personal experience with two toxic parents, a toxic ex, and a toxic mother-in-law, that this step is one of the most important ones. I would love to chat with you about your journey navigating toxic people. If you pop over to my Instagram @empowermentthroughthought you can shoot me a DM and we can strike up a conversation today!